How to set and maintain healthy boundaries in 2022

Photo by Unsplash
Photo by Unsplash
  • Time: how you value the time you dedicate to people and things
  • Emotional: the relationship to yourself and others; and how emotions influence decisions.
  • Financial: your relationship to money and how you spend it.
  • Experiment with your boundaries:
  • When you start a new job, we often think ‘I am going to give it my all till I pass the trial period, and then I will pull back’. There isn’t such a thing as pulling back. Once you are all in, and people have seen what you are made of, there is no going back!
  • Boundaries are like a muscle; you need to practice them till ‘they become second to nature’.
  • Don’t flex all your boundaries at once. If you want to change your relationship to time, try new limits for a while before changing patterns across other boundaries.
  • You can push your boundaries without violating them. It is called a growth mindset.
  • With time comes practice, so be patient.
  • Embody your boundaries:
  • If you don’t respect your own boundaries, how do you expect others to do so.
  • With consistency comes success. So, practice, pivot, carry on.
  • When people overstep your boundaries, they are testing your self-respect. Call them out and explain how you feel about their behaviours.
  • Don’t mix up being ‘helpful’ and being ‘used’. Being a people pleaser often comes at the expense of our own wellbeing.
  • Don’t feel guilty for saying ‘NO’ and yes it does take practice.
  • What do I need to be happy?
  • What does success look like to for me? Eg: My bestfriends bring me peace.
  • When am I at my happiest? Eg: how much time do I need in the evenings to flourish? How
  • When did I last feel I was not getting the best out of: my time, my relationships, my money?
  • When do I feel in control of my time/ money/ emotions look like? Do I like being in control of these elements?
  • How do I feel about how people use my time/ money/ emotions?
  • If I could change anything, what would it be?
  • What does my favourite workday look like (time/ emotions)? Eg: I start at 9am and finish at 6pm. I have a lunch break to take a breather….
  • Who is my healthiest relationship with? Why? What do you like about it? Eg: I have the best relationship with my sister because she does not overwhelm me with multiple texts a day.
  • “I am so sorry you are having such a tough time today. Right now, I am not in a place to take in all of this information. Do you think we can come back to this conversation when I am feel ready for it?”
  • “I am having a hard time and really need to talk. Are you in a place to listen right now?”
  • “I am struggling with personal stuff at the moment and cannot concentrate. Can I log out for a while to collect myself and resume work when I feel better?”
  • “I would love to help, but I would be overcommitting myself. Is there another time we can discuss this project?”
  • “I would love to support you on this project; however my workload does not allow me to help until…”
  • “I could support you with this project this week and can allocate xxx hours as I have another urgent deadline to meet.”
  • “I am happy to help with that. My hourly rate is…”
  • “I appreciate these new responsibilities as they reward my contribution to the business. And I would love to discuss about a financial reward to.”
  • “I understand this project needs to be prioritised, which means I will need to do more hours in the coming months to meet the deadline. Can we have a conversation about what this means salary wise? “
  • how much ‘friendship/family’ time do you need to be happy?
  • can you cut back temporarily on gathering, can you change the way you connect with them for a moment so that it doesn’t make you go to bed late?
  • can you group your gatherings so you only go out once versus three times a week?
  • can you get together with your friends earlier in the evening and get a longer night sleep?

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